


Happiness

by YulianaHenderson



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Thrawn Series - Timothy Zahn (2017)
Genre: Eli needs a hug, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Original Female Character - Freeform, Protective Thrawn, Soft Thrawn, also eli and thrawn are so gay, eli's parents are homophobic in this story, i know they're not in the book but whatever, just basically anything positive thrawn because i like writing him like that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:55:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28266510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YulianaHenderson/pseuds/YulianaHenderson
Summary: Eli Vanto and his journey through battling his internalized homophobia. He gets all the help he needs and more.
Relationships: Thrawn | Mitth'raw'nuruodo/Eli Vanto
Comments: 1
Kudos: 22





	Happiness

**Author's Note:**

> I want to start off with a warning first: the homophobia was not exaggerated in the tags and summary. There is a lot of it, but there's a happy ending because y'all know me and y'all know my love for these two characters.  
> Also, Thrawn can definitely be characterized as being OOC in my stories but I kind of like him melting when it comes to Eli, because honestly, who wouldn't if they ever laid eyes on him?   
> Also, was planning to post this as separate chapters but it deserves to be read as a whole. Also, to prevent anyone from feeling too sad, it's better to read it like this, because it does get a little sad.

Eli Vanto wasn't sure if he found himself in a dream, or whether he was awake.

He knew he had experienced this scene before, because he had an intense sense of deja-vu as he watched his peers walk past him. His own movements were rather slow, sloppy, as they so often are in dreams, but everything felt incredibly real to him, just like the first time he had experienced it.

It was far from his favorite memory, however.

He had been thirteen, fourteen at most. His heart had still been fluttering at the idea that he'd had his first kiss, just like that. He had been getting closer to the prettiest boy in his class for the past few weeks, and as they had been on their way to leave school and go home, he had pulled Eli aside, into an area that was mostly remote. Eli had been terrified at first, this could easily end up being catastrophic, but instead, the boy had simply smiled at him and had pulled him closer, cupping both Eli's cheeks and brushing their lips together just briefly.

Wow. The romantic flicks he had been watching lately had not been lying - this was truly one of the most amazing feelings he'd had, perhaps shared only with eating a pizza from that place around the corner of his house, and sleeping in on his days off. (Okay, no, on second thought, this was  _ much _ better than that.)

"Get home safe, Eli," the boy had whispered with that drop-dead gorgeous smile of his, and Eli wondered if this was what being in love must feel like. "Enjoy your weekend."

He surely had, as he hadn't been able to stop thinking about that kiss, distracted too much to focus on his homework, and even conversation with his parents was proving difficult. His mother knew him well, and had seen him lost in thoughts, combined with a faint blush on his cheeks as he remembered the kiss, and had smiled at him.

"She must be a sweet girl," she said, brushing a hand through his hair. He was pulled out of his thoughts instantly and looked at his mother, but before he could correct her, she was on to the next topic at hand.

The following Monday, Eli had been giddy with excitement at the prospect of seeing him again (his  _ crush _ , he admitted, because what else could he call this), and had even styled his hair more than he usually did. He still remembered the way his lips had tingled when they had pulled apart, and focused on that memory as he entered the school-

He wasn't prepared.

His bag was torn from his shoulders and thrown across the hallway, several of his datacards breaking and shatters spreading all over the floor. He was staring at it, wondering what had happened, what had caused someone to do that, when someone pushed him -  _ hard _ . 

Eli fell to the floor and hit his head on the ground, seeing stars instantly. He could hear people laugh.

"Faggot!"

Eli looked up, dazed, and saw the perpetrator. And wished he hadn't. 

It was his crush. But instead of lifting his heart high after their kiss, his heart was left on the floor, as crushed as Eli was.

"Wh-"

"You  _ disgust _ me, Eli Vanto."

"But…"

"If you thought I could ever fall for you, you're as pathetic as ever. You're a  _ pervert _ ."

Eli was just in time to avoid his kick to the head, and scrambled up, his vision swimming. He looked around himself, in hopes that someone might help him out of this situation, but he was gravely disappointed. 

And so, his rather uncomplicated life came to an abrupt end. He didn't know what he had done wrong, aside from liking this boy, but apparently it garnered such treatment.

He had run home in panic and pain, not knowing what else to do, and realized that by the time he arrived, he was full on sobbing.

His mother was shocked at first, consoling him, then asking what had happened to cause him such pain.

"I don't know!" he said. "I kissed this boy and I thought he liked me and-"

"You what?"

He frowned at his mother. Slowly but surely, he saw the same hatred on her face as he had seen disgust on his peers'. His heart constricted - was she going to push him, too?

"I kissed a boy."

She didn't speak to him for an entire week after that. He hadn't known why at first, but then, after he replayed the conversation, he realized her reason.

"A boy liking a boy is unnatural, Eli," his father had explained some days into his mother's silence. "A boy must be with a girl - like your mother and I. That's how it's supposed to be."

"What if I want to k-"

"No, Eli! Just no. You will not be gay, or I swear, you're no longer my son."

Eli hardly knew what that word, gay, meant, but his father said it with such hatred and disgust, he could guess as to the meaning. Being with a boy was 'gay', and being gay was bad. If he was gay, then he would lose his parents. 

The dream picked up pace and had him with his girlfriend, Rose, in high school, the only friend he had at all. He didn't love her, and she knew this, but she respected him and appreciated his company and had offered to be in a relationship with him so his parents would stop pestering him about that subject for a little longer. 

"It's not right, though, Eliza," she said, Eliza being her nickname for him. He shrugged and popped another fry into his mouth. "You are clearly unhappy being…  _ this _ . You can't live a lie forever."

"Perhaps not. But I will try anyway."

"So what is your plan for the future? Live as a straight fucker for the rest of your life?"

He looked at her, felt his heart constrict at that prospect, and shrugged again.

"Yes."

She sighed and ate silently too for a little longer. Eventually, she hugged him, and kissed his cheek. "I care about you, Eliza. I want you to be happy. I want you to meet some hot stud from the Core who will love you unconditionally and care for you."

"I need a job, though, and my parents can provide that for me. I don't know what I would do without them. They made it very clear they would disown me if I ever admitted my feelings."

"They're not stupid. They know."

"I know. But being gay and silent about it is different than being gay and cast out."

His friend sighed again, and brushed a hand through his hair. He  _ loved _ her, though, he just wasn't  _ in love _ with her. 

"One day, you will be happy, Eli. I promise you, you will find your love."

He found that rather unlikely.

Again, a time skip - now, he was a Cadet at the Academy, having secured a place in the galaxy he could sort of get behind. By this time, he had found it easier to mask his feelings, and he could even fool himself. 

That was, until he met  _ him _ .

He felt all of the previous emotions that he had hidden away bubble up, at the mere sight of those  _ arms _ . Kriff, those arms. Those eyes. That hair.

He got sick at the realization that he was admitting feelings he had pushed back. Physically ill, and angry at himself, and fear that he would be found out and would be pushed or bullied again. He couldn't botch this thing, he  _ had _ to finish this if he wanted to gain any respect from his parents. It had already been dangerously low to begin with, never quite recovered from their realization of his feelings towards the same sex. This career track was his last chance at redemption. 

"Cadet Vanto, are you quite alright?" Thrawn asked, an eyebrow raised, as Eli struggled with himself in their quarters.

He hated himself. He had been on the verge of quitting the Navy altogether, this sharing a room with this Chiss made him feel even sicker and angrier than he had ever been.

Curse this man for seeing right through his politeness.

"Yes, Sir, I'm alright."

"Alright."

Thrawn dropped the subject but didn't stop looking at Eli. 

_ "-you're no longer my son." _

He retreated into his shell even further after that.

Graduation. He'd had half a brain to invite his parents, but he had seen the looks they threw Thrawn - not only was he an alien, one of the kind that had appeared in many (bad) legends in Wild Space, he was a  _ man _ , and they were suspicious of any male companion he found himself around over the years.

Eli couldn't call Thrawn his friend, because that wasn't what they were. Even then, he simply couldn't  _ be _ Thrawn's friend, because he didn't feel right around the Chiss, and the other deserved better than that.

"Mr. and Mrs. Vanto. It is an honor to meet you." Thrawn shook first Eli's mother's hand and then his father's. 

"Likewise, Mr…?"

"You may call me Thrawn."

"Alright, Mr. Thrawn."

Eli saw exactly what was coming, it had happened many times before, and he couldn't stand the sight of it. He walked off without looking over his shoulder, and wasn't surprised when his parents didn't call him back. They had long ago lost most of their respect for him, and were now merely putting up with him for the sake of his being his father's heir.

Thrawn had questioned him about his relationship with his parents but Eli didn't respond at all, so he dropped the subject.

Of course, Eli couldn't stop himself from becoming friends with Thrawn, because contrary to popular belief, he was actually a nice person, and very attentive. One night, as they were attending one of the bars on their current planet, Thrawn broached the subject again, which they had not touched upon for many years.

“Eli?” Thrawn started, surprising the former because of the use of his first name. 

“Yes, sir?”

“What is the history between you and your parents?”

Eli felt himself already retreating into his shell. He and Thrawn were fiends, sure, but this was a topic too painful for him to discuss, even with his former girlfriend, whom he had loved dearly.

“I understand if you do not wish to talk of it. I am curious, however, with the memory of your cold acceptance of their attendance at our graduation, what has transpired between you.”

Eli shook his head and looked at his drink. Too painful. But this was Thrawn, the closest thing he had to a best friend, and Thrawn was wise and kind, at least to him.

He sighed.

“I’m gay,” Eli said, without further explanation. He had assumed that would be enough explanation for the Chiss, he was wise, after all, but Thrawn merely frowned at him in confusion.

“Yes. I was aware of that. I fail to see why that should garner such a treatment from your parents, however.”

“What do you mean, you were aware that I’m gay?”

Thrawn raised a carefully plucked eyebrow at him. “Eli. We have known each other for four years now. If you were under the impression that I would not find out about your preferences, you were sorely mistaken. I am an excellent judge of character, and you have not been an exception. But it is of no interest to me whether you prefer males or females. You are a magnificent person regardless of sexual preference.”

Eli stared at Thrawn for ever, judging whether the Chiss was lying or not, but then not having known one instance in all of their acquaintance to know him having lied, to anyone, least of all to Eli.

And then, he broke down, the tears flooding in before he had managed to compose himself again. Thrawn looked at him awkwardly but eventually covered his hand with his own.

It took a while for Eli to gather himself again, in order for him to hold a legible conversation.

“Am I to assume this is the reason for your parents’ displeasure?”

Eli nodded. “Where I’m from, it just doesn’t happen.”

“Not to their knowledge, it does.”

“No, you misunderstand. It doesn’t happen, at all. I kissed a boy when I was thirteen and was basically bullied into not being gay.”

Thrawn frowned. “I do not think that that is how that works.”

“No shit. But even my parents hated me. It works magic on a young boy, let me tell you.”

Thrawn nodded in understanding. They were silent again for a while, nursing their drinks, thinking over what had been said. Aside from Rose, nobody had ever been as matter-of-fact or accepting as Thrawn was. It was rather… refreshing. And of course, he hadn’t really expected any different from his friend.

“I am truly sorry you had to endure that, Eli,” Thrawn said, voice soft, uncharacteristic for the Chiss. “I cannot undo what has been put upon you. I can only hope that my support of you might lessen some of the trauma that has been thus developed.”

_ I doubt it _ .

“Let us retire for the night. I have finished my drink, and desire no more. Will you accompany me back to our quarters?”

Eli couldn’t say no to that, of course. He in his turn had no desire of staying in a dingy bar by himself. 

They walked back in silence, until they had almost reached the inn where they had checked in, in lieu of their usual ship. 

“Eli, I have to be honest with you.”

Fuck, Thrawn would take back everything he had said now, wouldn’t he? He had expected the Chiss to be understanding but it was too much of a bother, and Eli recognized his mistake at once.

“Okay.”

“Will you allow me to talk without drawing conclusions yourself?”

“I guess?”

“I cannot pretend any longer that your news does not impact me in some way. We have known each other for years, and I have known of your preference for almost that same amount. I will not lie and say that my hopeful thoughts have not included your preference extending towards me, and in no way do I have the right to assume such a thing." Thrawn looked down to the ground, and Eli wondered what in the flying fuck was happening. What did Thrawn mean when he said that he 'hoped his preferences extended to him'? Why did he always have to speak so formally?

Well, of course, Eli  _ knew _ what it could  _ possibly _ mean, but he didn't dare to hope.

"Eli, I will ask this only once, as I am certain that if your answer should be a negative, I will never touch upon the subject again. But Eli, if your preference at all extends to me, please do let me know, because my preference is certainly for you."

He was silent then, as his eyes lifted up to meet Eli's. The latter couldn't believe what the former had just said. Had Thrawn honestly admitted that he liked Eli? Was that what was to come from this conversation - the realization that each liked the other, without ever knowing it?

"Thrawn, I…"

Thrawn nodded and straightened his shoulders.

"I understand. Pardon my impolite manner of questioning. I should have-"

Eli shut him up by pushing him against the nearest wall and linking their lips. His heart warmed immediately, even if there was a significant part of him that was yelling at him that this was wrong, that this was vile and gross and unnatural. The other part, that was slowly gaining in power, was telling him that this was exactly what he had always been meant to do, to be, and he couldn’t help but smile against Thrawn’s lips, especially when the Chiss hardly hesitated and pulled him closer with a hand in his neck.

When they pulled apart to catch their breath, however, Eli was painfully reminded of exactly how traumatizing his early teenage years had been - he saw the face of his crush in front of him, the one he had trusted when he had been thirteen and who had betrayed him in the most painful way possible.

His lips opened on a silent scream, no sound able to escape past them, when-

~...~

He woke up. He instantly noticed his soaking wet back, and the fact that he was sitting up straight in bed, his breathing immensely off. His head was spinning and he had half a brain to get up quickly and rush to the ‘fresher, throwing up the contents of his dinner into the toilet.

He hated this recurring dream. Well, not so much the part about Thrawn, because he did enjoy reliving that over and over again - and he didn’t mind thinking of his dear girlfriend, whom he had fallen out of contact with upon his entering the Navy, but whom he still held close to his heart. They had been the only people who had truly accepted him for what he was, and made him feel not so ashamed of his orientation. 

“Eli?” a soft voice came from behind him, and he stared at the porcelain of the toilet for a little longer before wiping his mouth with the back of his hand and flushing the toilet. 

“Hey.”

“Bad dream?”

Eli nodded and got up, his knees wobbly, vision still blurry with tears. He didn’t look at Thrawn, didn’t want him to see the worst side of him, having just woken up from a nightmare and having just thrown up. He hunched over the sink and splashed some water into his face, hoping to rid the skin of the built-up sweat there, but he knew the foul taste in his mouth could only be fixed by brushing his teeth - which he eventually ended up doing.

He could sense Thrawn remaining standing in the doorway looking at him, and soon enough, Eli was unable to avoid those red eyes for much longer, as he longed to climb back into bed.

“Hey,” Thrawn whispered, and put his hands on Eli’s upper arms. “Hey, it is alright. It was just a bad dream.”

“It wasn’t, though,” Eli countered, a little angry now but definitely not at Thrawn. The Chiss, much to his credit, knew this, of course. “It was my reality for most of my life.”

Thrawn instantly realized what the dream had been about and let go of Eli, which the latter took as his opportunity to slip past the Chiss and crawl back under the covers.

Thrawn didn’t stop him, and when Eli’s head hit his pillow, he let out a sigh. 

Fuck, he hated these dreams. He hated it even more that he was seemingly unable to be polite to Thrawn, despite the fact that he was more supportive of him than any other being in this galaxy. But Thrawn didn’t take it personally, however - he knew Eli, and knew how hurt he had been in the past, and had spent a long time trying to convince Eli that he did in fact care about him, that he was in love with him, and that their love was an amazing thing and made him so happy. 

Eli felt the bed dip beside him, and when he felt a hand on his upper arm once more, he offered no protest whatsoever when Thrawn attempted to turn him around.

“Hey,” Thrawn said, for the third time that night. It wasn’t a word the Chiss used often, but little by little, he was learning some more casual lingo. “I’m here.  _ We _ ’re here. The events of the past have left scars, sure, but they have not lessened our feelings for each other. Right?”

Eli didn’t say anything, but did look at Thrawn now, judging his expression to be more than sincere, and he could tell the Chiss was both worried and sad, at the very real pain that had been placed upon Eli in his adolescence. 

Thrawn smiled faintly and scooted closer, until their noses were almost touching. A blue hand came up and brushed Eli’s cheek, traced the lines of his lips, brushed across the frown between his brows. They instantly relaxed at the touch. And Eli’s resolve had weakened, just like it always had, by the love and care that Thrawn showed him, and the words he had grown up with were slowly but surely melting away. 

“I’m sorry,” Eli whispered, and kissed Thrawn briefly, just a peck. Thrawn’s frown increased now, but only a little, before it faded away again. 

“No, Eli. You have nothing to be sorry for. I am the one who should apologize, for not being there when you were bullied, when they shamed you for your feelings.” Eli huffed, but Thrawn didn’t stop. “I am so proud of you, my sweet Eli, for persevering, and for letting me into your heart. I can only imagine how difficult it must have been to open up and admit to your feelings, but each day, I am incredibly happy that you did. I love our life together.”

“So do I.” And Eli meant it, whole-heartedly. It had been difficult at first to fully give in to his feelings, aside from the obvious longing they both had for each other (seeing as they made out and almost made love that first night, but that was just the lust talking, not the love), but Thrawn had made it increasingly clear to Eli that there was no part of him that he wouldn’t accept, and that his love for Eli shouldn’t be taken lightly - that it wasn’t a simple ‘crush’, Thrawn had called it, but that it was as real and meaningful to him as anything possibly could be. 

“Good.” Thrawn brushed a hand through his hair, and then kissed him, deeply, pouring his soul into Eli’s, as he had done many times before. Eli practically melted against him, and forgot all about his dream for a while after that.

~...~

Thrawn hadn’t divulged to Eli the reason for them being on this planet, and doubted he ever would, not even if the upcomings events were to unfold such as Thrawn had intended them to. Eli didn’t need that kind of added anxiety on top of everything else he had to deal with. Thrawn had however found out that Eli's parents currently lived here, and he was determined.

Thrawn straightened his white tunic and squinted at the building in front of him, the low sunlight of the second sun blinding his vision temporarily. He didn’t allow it to deter him from his intentions, however, and stepped up to the front door all the same.

A woman opened, and Thrawn instantly recognized her - he never forgot anything, ever, especially not faces. Although she looked older than she had several years ago, upon their first meeting, it was still undoubtedly the woman he had intended to meet today.

“Hello?”

“Mrs. Vanto, you may not remember me, but I am-”

“I remember you,” she interrupted him, her voice unmistakably full of venom. She seemed a bit surprised at his wearing a Grand Admiral’s uniform, but it wasn’t enough to convince her. She was about to close the door into his face when Thrawn put his foot in between the door and the frame, preventing it from closing. 

“In that case, I would like an honest conversation with you and your husband.”

“Get out of here.”

“It would only take a moment, of course. I would appreciate it if you would oblige me.”

“I have nothing to say to you.”

“I understand. I, however, have quite a few choice words for you.”

“I don’t appreciate your tone, Mr. Thrawn.”

He nodded and pushed forward, ignoring how awfully rude this was of him, but knowing he needed to get through this in order to feel a bit more satisfied with himself tonight.

At the commotion, Mr. Vanto had joined their party, too, and he looked just as hatefully at him as his wife had.

“Mr. Vanto, thank you for attending, too.”

“Get the fuck out of my house.”

Thrawn took in a deep breath, but stood his ground. He remembered Eli, only a night or two ago, trembling with fear after having woken up from another of his nightmares, in which he relived their treatment over and over again. 

He shook his head.

“No. I will not be bullied out of your house, the way you bullied your child out of your house. I must admit, I have little knowledge of the Wild Regions and their customs, but I am well-versed on those in other regions, and never have I found customs quite so distasteful and disrespectful as your own. I have no children of my own, so I hold no basis to judge you - but I am a being with compassion, should you be so interested to learn it, and I would never,  _ ever _ , hurt someone the way you have hurt your son. He has lived outside of your household for half a decade, and yet he is still unable to let go of his past. You hurt him on a level so deep that I am uncertain anybody could ever heal his injuries. I am disgraced, therefore, to be attending you with such a visit, but I found I could not in good faith continue my silence on this matter. Homosexuality is not a choice, or else I dare say, Eli would not have chosen such a life, to be cast out by his only family, to be bullied all his life. Sexual preference is biologically determined, much like the color of one’s eyes or the set of one’s jaw. I am certain you did not choose your eyes to be brown, nor did I choose my eyes to be red, but alas, it is in our biology, and was determined long before we had any choice in the matter. Such is homosexuality, Mr. and Mrs. Vanto - no matter how much one should  _ choose _ not to be gay, one simply is. And  _ Eli is gay. _ It would suit you well to accept that, for however much that should be possible considering your general lack of empathy. Despite everything, he is still your son, and as I understand it, your only child. I do not expect you to fall to his feet instantly, or beg for his forgiveness, but a person of your own flesh and blood surely deserves more respect than you have given him.”

Then, silence. Thrawn had no clock in his vicinity, but if he had been able to keep track of the time, he was certain it would have turned out that the silence had stretched out for nearly ten minutes. The two humans were simply staring at him, at first, occasionally looking at each other before returning their gaze upon him. Mr. Vanto had left the house at one point, although Thrawn had every reason to believe that he had not gone far. Mrs. Vanto, in her stead, had taken up a seat, and Thrawn could tell most of her anger had vanished, replaced with shock, and perhaps offense because of this strange man calling them out on their ridiculous and harmful practices. 

“Mr. Thrawn, I don’t like being spoken to like that,” Mr. Vanto said, and for the first time since their introduction, Thrawn saw the likeness between father and son. They had the same drawl, the one Eli had worked so hard on to mask, because it had been just another thing on an endless list of reasons to bully him or cast him aside. But perhaps Eli would be greatly offended to ever be compared to his father, so Thrawn refrained from storing that information.

“I appreciate that,” Thrawn said, “but it had to be spoken out loud.”

“Why?”

“Because I love your son, Mr. Vanto, more than words can possibly describe, and I cannot bear to see him like this much longer. You have caused him great pain, and perhaps you did not know any better, but perhaps you did. I will not stand for it any longer, however. If you continue to treat him in this way, I will be forced to keep him away from you for as long as you live.”

Mrs. Vanto got quite a shock at this, and jumped up. But before she could say anything to Thrawn, she pulled her husband aside, and they started whispering most animatedly. Thrawn could only guess as to what the subject of their conversation was, but judging by the way her arms moved, and her eyes were filling with tears, either she didn’t like the prospect of never seeing her only child again, or she was finally faced with the reality of what their actions had put their child through.

“What will you have us do, Mr. Thrawn?” she asked, long before she and her husband had found a reasonable concession as to how to proceed, it seemed, for Mr. Vanto was holding on to her arm tightly and attempting to pull her back. She whipped her head towards him. “No, Cuhan, I won’t allow this. He’s our son! I don’t want to lose him!”

“He’s no son of mine, Arwen.”

“But he is  _ my _ son.” She turned back towards Thrawn, and finally extricated herself from her husband’s hold. She crossed the distance between herself and the Chiss, and almost touched him, but then thought better of it. Thrawn looked at the raging man on the other side of the room, and then nodded towards Mrs. Vanto, who followed him into the kitchen, where they could speak privately.

“I had no intention to hurt him,” she said quietly, looking down at the floor. “I only wanted what was best for him, and I know how people think of gays. I still love him, of course I do, but now I can see how horrible I was to him.” She looked back up at Thrawn. “Please tell me there is still a way for me to show my love for him. I don’t expect he will ever forgive me, but…”

Thrawn looked at her for a moment, judging her intentions. Eventually, he nodded. 

“I do not doubt that Eli will not give his forgiveness freely, and you should not be under any assumption he will ever give it at all. But there is one thing you can do for him to right some of the wrongs that have been put upon him.”

“What’s that?”

“As I have previously mentioned, Mrs. Vanto, I love Eli, most ardently, I must admit. I will divulge now my intentions of marrying him one day, and wish to ask for your blessing.”

She seemed shocked, despite his earlier admissions that he loved Eli Vanto. Then again, perhaps their prejudiced minds were incapable of comprehending that there were more versions of love, and that she had instead thought of a simple platonic love was quite clear. 

“Yes,” she said eventually, looking up at him resolutely. “Of course. I guess I always knew this day was coming, and I gotta be honest… I’m glad Eli didn’t listen to me. I think you make him very happy, Mr. Thrawn. I will give you all the blessings I possibly can.”

Thrawn wanted to smile -  _ smile?! _ No, he wanted to grin, until his skin broke, yell out his happiness, jump up into the air, so happy he was. But he shielded his composure before it could fall, and merely nodded at her with a faint smile. 

“Thank you, Mrs. Vanto. I believe he will much appreciate that.”

She nodded, relieved a little that they had found a compromise. Then, she realized the hurtful things she had said to Eli over the years, and was yet again overcome with sadness. He guided her to the nearest chair and helped her sit down, before he returned to the living room to give her some peace and quiet. (Force knows she had never given her son that, but that was all mostly righted now.) 

“Mr. Thrawn,” Mr. Vanto started immediately upon seeing the Chiss, and Thrawn didn’t even try to stop him from his inevitable rant. “I always thought you were a miserable little fucker, from the moment I saw you, I knew there was something not right about you. But now I know what it is, I do. You’re gay too, aren’t you?”

“I am, Sir.”

“I knew it. Disgusting.”

Thrawn realized then that there was no amount of convincing or informing Mr. Vanto that would allow him to change his mind - but for Eli’s sake, it was already a positive thing that Mrs. Vanto seemed to have seen the light.

"Mr. Vanto, I will not continue to converse with you like this. I recognize that you are unwilling to see the truth of the matter, and I will not attempt to educate you further, seeing as it will have no lasting effect. I will be with your son, whether you like it or not, and I will love him with all my heart, which was something you never seemed capable of doing."

"Fuck you, you blue ass."

"You have yourself a lovely afternoon, Mr. Vanto."

With that, Thrawn left the house.

He would have preferred a different outcome to this conversation, but he couldn't expect someone to change their ways just because of some choice words from a relative stranger.

"Mr. Thrawn?"

He turned around, and saw Mrs. Vanto standing there, eyes looking right at him. He could tell she felt bad for her past actions, and Thrawn had a glimmer of hope that Eli wouldn't have to live without his parents completely.

"Will you give this letter to Eli? I want him to know my feelings for him."

Thrawn nodded and took the letter from her, but when he was about to pull his hands back, she covered them with hers.

"Please love him, Mr. Thrawn. He deserves that."

"I will, Mrs. Vanto. I will take great care of your son, for as long as I possibly can."

With that said, they parted ways.

When Thrawn joined up with Eli at their motel, he wanted to proclaim his love for the human, and give him the letter immediately. But, the human wasn’t having a good day and he decided otherwise. They still had time - hopefully, forever.

~…~

It was a few weeks until Thrawn found the right moment to divulge to Eli what exactly he had been doing on that planet. Eli had noticed before that there was something that Thrawn wasn’t telling him, but he trusted the Chiss explicitly, and knew that even if he was keeping it from Eli now, he would probably tell him eventually, anyway. And Thrawn wouldn’t dare hurt his human, and the human knew this.

Thrawn had made breakfast for the two of them to enjoy in bed, and on the platter, next to a croissant, he put the envelope.

“If you first want to eat, that’s fine,” Thrawn said. Eli frowned at him, then looked at the envelope.

“What is this?”

“It’s a letter from your mother.”

The human’s shock was clearly visible on his face, and in any other situation, 

Thrawn would have laughed heartily at the sight - but he knew what Eli’s feelings were on his mother, and her treatment of him, and knew it was an awfully serious matter.

“My… what?”

“I apologize, Eli. I went behind your back and searched for your parents. I had no right to do so, I’m aware. If I’ve offended you with this action, I apologize again.”

Eli looked at him for a while, no doubt judging his intentions. Thrawn suddenly regretted every single thing that he had done behind Eli’s back, and fully expected the human to push him away now. 

Eventually, Eli picked up the envelope, took a bite of the croissant, then started reading the letter. 

Thrawn had not read the letter, because that was private and he had already no doubt offended Eli by doing this, not wanting to add fuel to the proverbial fire. Thrawn, however, watched Eli’s face change, until there were tears pooled in those fantastic brown eyes, and when they looked up at him, he saw nothing but gratitude. 

“Thrawn, this… I…”

Before Thrawn could register it, Eli’s arms were wrapped around him tightly, not hands around his neck as would have been acceptable in this situation; even during the hug, Thrawn didn't register it fully until the human pulled back slightly.

He was full on crying now.

"What's the matter, my love?" Thrawn asked, for a moment afraid that the woman had caused more irreparable harm than before. He had some curses ready for them, when Eli smiled through his tears and cupped both of Thrawn's cheeks in his hands. They kissed briefly.

"You beautiful, beautiful man, you."

Eli held out the letter for Thrawn to read, but the latter was hesitant to do so. It would be a breach in privacy - but Eli was adamant, and wouldn't back down.

In the letter, Mrs. Vanto explained how she had always known that Eli was different, that he was gay, but had feared for his future and happiness. Combined with the total hatred of Mr. Vanto for the subject, she admitted she had been rather forced into a corner, forced to choose between her husband and her child. She regretted not choosing for Eli.

She also apologized at length for everything she had put him through, that she had never meant to hurt him but that she knew she couldn't undo all the pain. She spoke of Thrawn in her letter, too, explaining how she was certain that the Chiss could make Eli happy, like he deserved to be. She rather praised the man, too, for forcing her to take a hard look at her relations and choices, and he had made her realize how wrong she had been.

_ 'Mr. Thrawn asked for my blessing of your relationship, and I will gladly give it to you. I can tell how much he loves you, and it's gratifying to see. I have no doubt he will make you the happiest man in the galaxy, and wish you nothing but the best in the future. _

_ I love you, my dearest Eli. _

_ Love, your mama.' _

"What did you tell her?"

Thrawn was still a little taken back from the words in the letter, but it didn’t take him long to focus on the seemingly happy human currently kneeling in between Thrawn’s spread legs. 

“The truth,” Thrawn admitted eventually, because that was exactly what had happened. He may have been too honest to the two parents, and perhaps they would not have accepted the truth if he hadn’t been so direct, but he counted it as a relative victory that one of them had seen the light, and had allowed Eli to perhaps reconnect with his estranged parents. “I told her how hurt you were, still are, by their treatment of you throughout the years. And I told them that no matter their stance on the matter, I would still be with you, with or without their permission, because I love you and I care deeply about you.”

Eli looked at Thrawn intently for a while, and the Chiss knew this was the human’s way of judging whether Thrawn was embellishing the truth again, whether the Chiss was straight out lying, but he knew as well as the Chiss did that Thrawn was a horrible liar, and even if he wasn’t, he wouldn’t have put Eli through that to begin with. Eventually, a smile spread across the human’s face and Thrawn felt his determination return - he may have offended Eli a little bit by going behind his back, but it hadn’t ruined things between them completely. 

“You didn’t have to do that,” Eli said, his voice quiet and the smile slowly slipping from his features. Thrawn already missed it terribly. He leaned in and kissed Eli’s cheek, and his hand rested comfortably in the dark brown curls as he explained further.

“Perhaps not. But I want to marry you one day, and I would prefer if your parents, or at least one, could be there for the wedding.”

Now, Eli’s face was a picture and Thrawn allowed a short laugh to escape him. He loved rendering Eli silent, and loved finding new ways to do that.

“You what?”

“I want to marry you, Eli.”

“Oh, stars…”

“If you do not reciprocate those feelings, I will fully accept that. My life with you is far beyond anything I could have ever imagined myself living in. I wake up every morning ready to face the day and to be the best version of myself possibly, simply because I get to wake up beside you. And even if we don’t marry, I will still be the happiest man in this galaxy.”

Eli backed away slowly, quietly, and the hand that had been in his hair finally slipped away. They sat there in silence for a while, Thrawn against the headboard, his legs spread, with Eli sitting in between them. He realized, with only a bit of shame because his attention should be elsewhere, that a position much like this one had been only the beginning of many a passionate night since they had started their relationship, but he pushed the thought away.

Much like he was certain Eli would push him away. He had read about human marriage proposals recently, and knew most of them were terrifying for the person doing the proposing - but more terrifying, in some cases, to the individual being proposed  _ to _ .

“Thrawn, we… I mean… you kind of overwhelmed me with this.”

Thrawn nodded in understanding, and tried to reach for one of Eli’s hands. The human didn’t pull them back, which was something to rejoice about, Thrawn guessed. 

“I do not expect an answer now. In fact, you don’t have to answer at all, if you don’t want to.”

“No, Thrawn, you misunderstand me.” Eli lifted the hand Thrawn was holding and held the Chiss’ against his lips before he spoke again. “I would love nothing more than to marry you. I love you so much, I never expected to find this kind of love, ever. But we can’t get married, Thrawn. Most planets simply don’t allow same-sex marriage.”

“Then we will find a planet that does.”

Eli stared at Thrawn, then rolled his eyes, and turned his head away. 

“Thrawn…”

“ _ Eli _ …” 

“Let’s have breakfast first, and maybe we can talk about it after that.”

They didn’t end up talking about it after breakfast, but Thrawn was alright with that. He had seen the hope and love in those gorgeous brown eyes and knew Eli was on the same side on this topic - even without marriage, they were forever.

~...~

Two years later, Eli found himself standing in front of a justice of the peace, holding hands with the man of his dreams, saying vows he had practiced for weeks leading up to this moment.

No. Not weeks. Perhaps it had been unclear who they were about at first, but he had been thinking about vows like these since his childhood, when he had first realized that he wanted to marry, just like any of his peers, but that his fantasies were not the same as theirs. 

Thrawn raised one of his hands and kissed the palm, returning Eli to the present only briefly. 

They hadn’t ended up looking for a planet that allowed same-sex marriage. Eli had wondered what had stopped those talks, but he guessed they both knew that they had time, that neither of them had any intentions of leaving the other, of falling out of love. He had known from early on that Thrawn was  _ it _ , that his love for the Chiss was there to stay and he felt gratified by the realization of it all. 

They had ended up waiting just long enough, because the Senate of the planet they had been living on for a while had ended up approving same-sex marriage, and they were about the first to get married. It hardly felt like a victory - it should have been legal for a while - but Eli wasn’t one to complain. 

Everything went by in a flurry of emotions and tears and before he knew it, the justice simply put her hands together, smiled at them, and proclaimed them married. 

“Of course, you may now kiss.”

Thrawn didn’t let this be stated twice, as he grabbed hold of the back of Eli’s neck, the other wrapping around his back, and dipped him low, sealing their new vows (although, not  _ that _ new, because they had already lived by them for years) with a toe-curling kiss. 

Eli held onto his boyfr- no, his _ husband _ , tightly, as the official ceremony slowly blended into the small, intimate reception they had organized. Most of their friends were there, even if they were few, and even Thrass had showed up, much to Thrawn’s surprise.

“I couldn’t possibly miss the wedding of my baby brother to his stunning human, now could I?” Thrass said simply, and shook their hands with a bright and proud smile. 

Eventually, Eli had drifted away from Thrawn’s side for a short while, the truth of everything not yet set in. His eyes wandered around the room, looked over their friends and his husband’s family, and felt truly blessed and humbled that he got to experience all of this, after everything that had happened.

A gentle hand landed on his upper arm, and he spun around - for some reason, he had recognized that hand, even if it had been a decade, probably more, since he had last felt it touch him.

“Rose.”   
“Eliza.”

She smiled brightly at him, and the two of them looked at each other silently for a while, before her eyes filled with tears and he reached out and hugged him tightly. 

“Oh, Eli. I’m so happy for you.”

He held her close to his chest, and took in a deep breath, before he felt himself lose the battle against his own tears. 

For the longest time, she had been the only person who truly appreciated him, respected him, loved him. She had shown him more compassion than he possibly deserved, and if it hadn’t been for her, he wouldn’t have been here today, but rather, six feet under. For years, he had thought of her, of what he would tell her if they ever reunited, but there were no words to convey how incredibly thankful he was for her presence, for her support, for her protection. So he simply held her as they cried, until she pulled away and cupped his cheeks, looking at him intently. 

“I told you you would land yourself some hot stud one day.”

He laughed through his tears and nodded. “He’s not from the Core, though.”

“Honestly, what the kriff does it matter? Oh, Eli, he loves you so much. This is everything I ever wished for you. Well, more, really. Couldn’t have expected  _ him  _ to come knocking on your door one day.”

“Neither could I.”

They reminisced about their time together for a while after that, talking of all the fun stuff they had done together, because even though a lot of it was stained, most of their memories together were nice and loving. He remembered their many pizza dates; or when she had egged the house of one of his bullies; or when they had spent entire weekends on movie marathons until they couldn’t see straight anymore. (He even remembered the first and only time they had made love, which had been loving and tender and respectful, as most of their relationship had been.) 

“Your mom’s here, too.”

Eli nodded. He had seen his mother in passing; she had stayed towards the back of the hall during the ceremony, but he had seen her clear as day when the officialities had started. He had mixed feelings about her presence, to be honest. He still remembered telling her that he had kissed a boy, and the subsequent week of silence that had followed; or the slap against the back of his head when he had slipped and let his straight mask fall. But he also remembered the letter she had written for him, and the words had followed him around ever since. He of course had sent an invitation for both of his parents, more out of respect and politeness than anything else, and hadn’t been surprised that his father hadn’t turned up at all. His mother, however,  _ was _ a surprise - for all the logical thinking she had seemingly acquired, she had never bothered to contact him at all in the two years since then. 

“Do you want to see her?”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

He wasn’t sure what he would do if he saw her again. Anything violent was out of the question - that just wasn’t the guy that he was, never had been, either - but he didn’t have any good words for her, all the same. 

“‘Kay. I understand. Come, tell me more about this handsome stud you’ve hooked…”

Eli smiled at her and she hooked her arm through his, and he led her out into the reception area again, on their way to Thrawn to have the proper introductions made. Eli’s stomach churned, however, when he saw who was accompanying his husband at the outermost table, away from most of the other guests.

“You don’t have to introduce me, you know…” Rose offered, her voice quiet and her hand holding onto him a little tighter. He shook his head. He couldn’t avoid his mother forever. Especially not if she was going to hang around his husband for the entire evening (which he was certain she wouldn’t, but he had wanted to see Thrawn again anyway.)

The two individuals looked up as Rose and Eli approached, and Eli’s mother perked up considerably when she saw Rose. She stood immediately, clapped her hands once, and hugged the woman tenderly - his mother had never made it a secret that she had a wish he would end up with Rose, permanently. She wanted grandchildren, but failed to realize he didn’t have to marry Rose in order for that to be a thing. 

Eli looked to Thrawn who smiled sympathetically at him. Eli wouldn’t have it, and instead leaned in to kiss him deeply. The Chiss smiled against his lips, and ran a hand through his hair when they parted. 

“She, how do the kids say it? Ganged up on me.”

Eli chuckled and shook his head, reaching for Thrawn’s hand and starting to trace circles on the top of it. “That’s not how the kids say it.”

Thrawn was frowning at Eli, perhaps intent to keep the joke going, but Eli had lost some of his attention as he looked at the sight before them. His mother was still chatting animatedly with Rose, but the younger woman was getting increasingly uncomfortable, stealing looks from Eli before she straightened her back and turned towards the two men. 

“Mr. Thrawn. It’s such an honor to finally meet you,” she said, interrupting Eli’s mother in the middle of a sentence, which didn’t go unnoticed by anyone in the party. Thrawn smiled kindly at Rose, and rose to greet her, shaking her hand and even covering them with his other hand - a move he didn’t pull unless he really appreciated the person in front of him. 

“You must be Rose,” Thrawn said. Rose looked at Eli with a blush, but then nodded. “I have heard so many things about you. Only good ones, I can assure you.”

“Oh, well, I wish I could say the same thing.” Rose chuckled a little awkwardly, but the conversation wasn’t lost completely. Thrawn looked at Eli as if to judge the human, then looked briefly into the direction of Eli’s mother. He was giving Eli the space to talk with her alone, if he so wished. Eli wasn’t sure that he did, but made up his mind eventually. 

“Hello, mom.”

She seemed surprised that anyone talked to her, having been so rudely interrupted before and basically ignored. She turned from the sight of Rose and Thrawn towards Eli, and then, both humans fell silent. Eli motioned for her to sit down at the table, and they both did. He even ordered them both some drinks, which they sipped at in silence, too.

“I’m sorry, Eli,” his mother eventually said, breaking the silence. Eli didn’t raise his eyes to look at her - he knew what he would find, and he didn’t want to be so easily tricked into forgiveness. “I can’t expect you will ever forgive me…”

“No. I won’t.”

“I understand.”

Eli sighed and took another sip of his drink. Then, he steeled his resolve further. 

“You know, you might have ruined my life. I know you apologized, but that doesn’t in any way reverse what has happened.” 

A pause. 

“I’ve been looking at my past a lot lately, I guess because of Thrawn and I building a future together. I just… can’t look past all the pain you’ve put upon me. You, and dad. For a while, I’ve been feeling like I need to confront you to fully work past that, but I haven’t had the guts… well, here we are.” 

Another pause. 

“It’s one thing for my friends to turn their back on me, they were just kids. They didn’t know any better. It was one thing for my teachers to look the other way, because they didn’t want to aggravate the situation further. But you… you were my mother. I didn’t even know what I was feeling, I was too young, I didn’t understand… I was hurt and scared… no, not scared,  _ frightened _ … the only thing I wanted was for you to tell me that it was okay. You didn’t have to agree with it, but… you really drove the point home that my feelings for other boys was bad, that it was something to be ashamed about, and it has haunted me for many,  _ many _ years since. I got together with Rose, because I knew that would please you… but for all the good memories she and I have made, it just didn’t feel  _ right _ , it made me feel like a horrible person, because this was the picture you and dad wanted, me with a nice girl and starting a family, but that idea… I couldn’t live with that. And I almost ended it… not just me and Rose, but just,  _ everything _ … but I couldn’t, because she made me have hope, that someday, it would all get better, and that I would find a way to be happy with myself.”

A pause. A sip.

“When I met Thrawn...” he said, and finally raised his eyes, but not to look at his mother, but at his husband. He and Rose were chatting with each other, some drinks entertaining them, but Thrawn was looking into Eli’s direction, perhaps to keep an eye on him. That idea spread warmth through his body, unlike the drink ever could. “I knew how I felt about him, very early on, but your words kept repeating over and over again. ‘It’s not natural to be with a guy’, ‘homosexuality is a sin,’ so my brain automatically started forming unnatural feelings about the situation. I kept telling myself I wasn’t, in fact, gay, and that even  _ thinking  _ about Thrawn in a romantic way was sinful. I…” He sighed. “I couldn’t fool myself. I fell in love with him. See, the thing is, mom, I  _ am _ gay. I know you don’t approve. I know you think it’s unnatural. But I’ve tried to push it down, to ignore it, to change myself, but it just… doesn’t work. So I can’t be the son you wish you had, but, at this point… honestly, I would rather be gay and happy with Thrawn, than to be your son.”

He stopped then, a part of him having regretted his words instantly, but most of him happy that he had said it out loud. She hadn’t done anything for him aside from provide him in his basic needs as a child, and even that had been hard-earned once he had, even if it was accidentally, outed himself as gay. He had felt a closer maternal connection with some of his superiors in the Imperial Navy than with his own mother, and he felt he had every right to feel that way.

He looked over at her occasionally, and perhaps he had expected her to burst out crying, or to walk away angrily, but she didn’t do either of those things. He looked at Thrawn again, and he was mouthing at him now,  _ ‘everything okay?’ _ Eli didn’t respond, but knew the Chiss would understand he wasn’t in immediate danger. 

His mother downed the rest of her drink, then talked.

“I’m sorry again, Eli. I wish I could say that I had no idea how you felt about the situation, but of course, I do. I could tell how sad you were when you were younger, and it still pains me to think that I didn’t do anything to stop you from feeling that way. I know it won’t right any of the wrongs, but please, let me explain.”

He nodded. He took a sip himself, but wouldn’t down his entire drink like she had.

“Alright. Dad… well, life with your father has never come easy. I loved him once, I wouldn’t have married him otherwise. But he changed, after a while. When you were born, I no longer recognized him. I don’t know what changed about him, but… he wasn’t the man I had fallen in love with.”

She paused now, looking at Eli, but he only saw this from the corner of his eyes, as he was staring at his glass.

“I think you were… about four when I started realizing there was something just… different about you. I didn’t have anything to compare you to, it was just something… I mean, you kept asking to play with dolls and wear a dress to school. I know that’s not necessarily an indicator for it, but it just sort of cemented those thoughts in my mind. I also knew that you were wicked smart, you started reading before any of the other kids in your class, and you have  _ always _ been ridiculously good with numbers. I often took you with me to the shops to help me, as a little walking calculator.”

Despite everything, Eli had to fight down a smile at that idea. But his mother knew she shouldn’t dwell on this for too long.

“You were smart, and it was easy for me to think that, well, perhaps there was a good reason there for you being different from the others. Perhaps you were just more liberal, more open-minded. I’m not the brightest person in the room… but I thought, if you were so smart, you would, I don’t know… I don’t know. And your father has always been a more morally-upright, conservative kind of guy, but I guess he couldn’t deal with the changing world around us, or something. Don’t get me wrong, our town still doesn’t accept homosexuality, I doubt they ever will, but your father was just… drawn into that feeling, I guess. Perhaps one could argue that he didn’t know any better.” She shrugged. “Anyway, then you grew up and you grew out of that phase, and played with boy things and other boys in general, and I didn’t think about it further anymore. But then, when you came home from school that day…”

She didn’t continue talking for a long time after that. Eli ended up finishing his drink, and wondered whether he should get a new one. He looked up towards Thrawn and found that he had disappeared from his previous spot, and Eli immediately panicked - he had only felt relatively alright in this conversation knowing that Thrawn would be able to assist if things got out of hand, and he wasn’t certain whether he would be able to continue talking if Thrawn was gone. 

But then, he felt a gentle hand on his back, a kiss planted in his hair, and his favorite drink appearing before him on the table. Thrawn offered Eli’s mother a drink, too, which she took with a polite smile. Thrawn hovered around the table for a little while, before being invited for a dance by Rose - Eli appreciated these two getting along so well, because they were the single most important people in his life, and he felt the desperate need for them to like each other, too.

“I hadn’t thought about your sexuality in years,” his mother continued, and Eli almost startled, before focusing on the conversation at hand again. He took a deep swig from his drink, and where the previous drink had just been pleasant, this one burned on his tongue and made him feel all tingly inside - his favorite drink, and Thrawn knew it, and that idea made him feel even warmer. 

“Only sometimes had it crossed my mind, but you were such a happy, normal child, I didn’t see any of the previous signs, and it calmed my mind so much I just sort of went blind to everything else. But when you came home, and you looked so hurt… literally, I still remember the blood in your hair and the tears on your cheek, I knew immediately what had happened. And my worst fear became reality, because it was exactly as I had feared from the start. Our town would not accept your sexuality, and they would continue to hurt you and bully you until you fit their ideals again. And I knew… I guess I knew then that that wasn’t possible, that you couldn’t change your feelings… so… I guess I thought that if I would amplify that just a little, make it so you would… I don’t know… oh, Eli, I feel so bad about this.”

She took a deep swig of her own drink, and Eli finally looked at her. He could tell that she was sincere, and that this was hurting her as much as it was hurting him. 

“I thought if I pushed you a little more into changing your feelings, that you would be accepted again, and that you wouldn’t be bullied anymore. But I didn’t think about how hurtful I was being towards you. I didn’t realize my actions spoke the loudest of all, and the fact that I didn’t approve of your feelings verbally, I can’t stand the idea that that still haunts you today.”

She reached out for his hands, and he almost pulled them back out of her reach, but he saw how real she was, and that she actually wanted to repent for her past transgressions. 

“Eli, I’m so,  _ so _ sorry. I have always loved you, even before you were born. I have made the wrong decisions in my life, in  _ yours _ , and I will always have to live with those mistakes. I wish I could turn back time. I hate the idea of you suffering because of me. But please… please… please be happy with Thrawn. I know I can’t force you to be, and I know my blessings won’t do anything for you or your love, but I can see how happy you are together, and it’s the only thing I’ve ever wanted for you. It doesn’t matter to me that you’re gay, Eli - it matters to me that you’re  _ happy _ .”

“I  _ am _ happy.”

“Good. You deserve it so much.” She brushed the top of his hand, and he looked down at that sight. She hadn’t done something so loving to him in almost two decades. “And please understand this, Eli. I was never afraid of you, or  _ ashamed _ of you. I was ashamed of everybody who didn’t agree with you, even your dad.  _ Especially _ your dad. And he doesn’t approve, we both know this, and he never will. But  _ I _ do. And I wish nothing but the best for you and Thrawn, because he is a wonderful person and he brings out the best in you, something that I never could.”

She took back her hands, and gripped the glass in front of her. 

There had been a part of him once that had wished she had felt this way. That she wasn’t actually angry at him, just scared, but then she had said something hurtful again, or grounded him for something he had said, and that notion had flown right out of the window. He had never figured she might actually feel this way. He had always felt he was being too optimistic about her. 

But guess he was wrong.

He got up, and could tell in his mother’s face that she was panicking, afraid he would leave, but resigned to that fate all the same. 

Thrawn appeared again, and for once, Eli didn’t quite respond to the Chiss. Eli’s mother frowned at her son, then her son-in-law, then back to her son.

“Will you dance with me, mom?” Eli asked, surprising not just himself, but his mother and husband, too. She stared at him for a while, the next song already having started, but eventually she nodded and took his hand. 

They walked onto the dancefloor, and a part of him was yelling at himself, and upon further inspection, he realized it was his younger self. That part was still very angry at her for treating him the way she had, for bullying him, for never accepting who he was. But another part of him, having grown bigger throughout the years, throughout adulthood, had found peace with it. He was still here today, although he’d had to take quite a few hurdles to get there. Her bullying hadn’t brought him down, but he knew he had no one to thank for that than himself, and of course Rose and Thrawn. 

“I never stopped loving you, mom,” he whispered in her ear, one hand holding hers by their side, the other on her waist. “The only thing I ever wanted from you was your acceptance.”

“You have it now.”

He nodded. “Then I don’t see another reason for us to be angry at each other.”

They danced together to the slow song, and he was well aware that most eyes were on them, even if not everyone knew who this woman was. At one point, his mother had put her head on his shoulder, and it was only then that he noticed that she was quietly crying, some tears staining the fabric of his suit. It felt odd, to have her be the one crying for a change, but he stood by his previous words. If his mother was willing to accept him the way he was, then he would be willing to bury the hatchet and start anew. Well, for as much that was possible, because the hurt was still there, and it had scarred throughout the years, but some wounds had been left festering after years of being ignored and would never properly heal. 

When the song ended, they pulled away, and he saw she had gathered herself for the most part. She rubbed at her eyes, then cupped his cheeks and made him look at her.

“You’re a far better son than I ever deserved, my dearest Eli. You were always stronger than you thought you were.”

They hugged briefly, she said her thanks to Thrawn, then left quietly without another word.   
Eli sank down in the nearest chair and let out a deep sigh.

He heard movement by his side and wasn’t surprised to find Thrawn taking the seat beside him. He was holding two glasses, but judging by the size, they weren’t alcoholic beverages this time. 

“I can’t assume things went well, but… that looked promising.”   
Eli nodded. He took a sip of the drink, finding it was his favorite sans alcohol indeed, and smiled at Thrawn for his attentiveness. He looked at the crowd, which had quickly gone back to celebrations after he and his mother had left the dancefloor, and was pleased to see a lot of the familiar faces he had grown to know and care about over the course of his adult years. He looked back to Thrawn with a faint smile.

“Well, the wounds are still there, but… we talked… and I get it now. Still doesn’t make it right, but… I get it.”

Thrawn nodded, not pushing for an explanation, and Eli was overcome with love and admiration for this wonderful man, who was full of sympathy and compassion. When he and Eli had gotten together, and it became increasingly clearer that there was no place in the Imperial Navy, or even in the Empire, for their relationship, Thrawn had taken the first step of deserting the institution altogether. He had claimed he didn’t want anything to stand in between him and his love, and had preferred a life in exile over a life in loneliness. Eli had been less enthusiastic to ditch the one power that had kept him safe all these years, but he had seen the truth eventually, and after they had both fully defected, had found a safe shelter on some faraway planet where the Empire couldn’t reach, and it had been the best decision in his life.

Truth was, people often made the mistake of thinking Thrawn was mean and cruel. Perhaps he could be, in his role as Grand Admiral, to reach the goals that had been set for him by his superiors. But when all was said and done, that brilliance that so often extended towards his near impeccable winning-streak, worked wonders in showing empathy towards the people he truly cared about. He could feel what someone needed, could sense when Eli needed distance, and could especially feel when Eli simply needed to be held. 

For someone like Eli, with internalized homophobia, with a long list of traumas, and most of all, a seething hate for himself - Mitth’raw’nuruodo was the perfect man to hold him above water, and provide him with all the love and care that that side of Eli desperately needed, and had craved all of his life. 

“I love you, you know that, right?” Eli asked Thrawn, not expecting an answer, but still being surprised when Thrawn knelt down beside him, took his chin between his fingers and kissed his lips, deeply, leaving no room for doubt of whether Thrawn returned the feelings or not.

“I do. And I love you. You know that, too.”

Eli nodded. He reached out to hold on to Thrawn’s hand, and was about to lift it up to kiss the palm of it, when he saw the brand-new wedding band on one of the perfect blue fingers. His thoughts stopped for a while at that sight, and it was only then, with the sight of this ring on this beautiful Chiss, and the knowledge that that ring symbolized their love, and the fact that this Chiss was now finally  _ his husband _ , that the truth really kicked in. 

He was married to Thrawn. He had overcome the demons of his past and had let in this beautiful being, and the action had been returned with an endless stream of love, more than he ever thought he could find space for inside his heart. 

“What do you say, my lovely husband? Shall we call it a night?” Thrawn asked, holding both of Eli’s hands in his own, before getting up. 

“Now? This is our  _ wedding _ , Thrawn. We fought so hard to get this. We’ll never get this night back.”

Thrawn kissed above the pulse in his wrist, making Eli’s heart skip a beat. “ _ Exactly _ . Let’s go make some more memories.”

And Eli let himself be swept away, full to the brim with love and care and kindness and compassion.

It was not such a bad thing to be gay. And he was still worthy of having all of this. 

**Author's Note:**

> That's it! Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed! If you did, please let me know in the form of a comment or a kudo, always love those! Happy Holidays!


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